Thursday, March 03, 2011

Delve Deep

I leave tomorrow morning for one last work contract.  I thought I was already finished for the season, but a contract suddenly materialized this afternoon.  The opportunity is excellent and I can not turn it down.  This one contract will completely pay for mine and Jordan's Burning Man trip (minus the tickets that we already own). 

I have three ideas for my next challenge.  All are equally important in my life.  Each is on a deeper level than my previous challenges.  These ideas all address certain insecurities of mine.  While I am gone, I am going to choose my new challenge.  I will start it upon my return.   

I feel ready to delve deeper in my spiritual quest.  This will help me to truly face myself and help me to make some big life changes.  Until now, I have not felt it was the right time.  I feel nervous about getting so deep on my public blog.  This is essentially an open journal of my thoughts and feelings. 

When I decided to start these challenges, I wanted to have someone.... anyone, to answer to.  That is why I chose to write about my experiences publicly.  I may not be answering to anyone specific, but having readers allows me to feel like I have to stay true to what I write.  It keeps me honest.  Otherwise, it would be so easy for me to forget about these challenges and why I do them. 

At the beginning of this conscious evolution, I vowed to be brutally honest in my writing.  Still, the thought of people reading about my deepest insecurities or negative traits, really frightens me.  I have to remember that being completely open is a really good trait.  It doesn't matter if others disagree or think negatively of me or my life.  My learning and my honesty are what counts. 

I am preparing to take these challenges to the next level.  Fear and excitement mix inside of me.  I know I will learn more about myself than I thought possible.  Stay tuned.