And what did I learn?

Well, in true procrastinator form.... I have procrastinated on writing this final post.  So, in an utterly ambivalent answer to the question above I say:  "I am not exactly sure".   

However, I do know this:  finishing a task that I have previously procrastinated on does make me feel good inside.  All warm and fuzzy and full of love.  Well, okay, maybe not to that extreme, but it does give me a pure feeling of accomplishment.  During this challenge, I felt like I was in control of the minor aspects of my life.  This in turn allowed me to be more open to the entire underlying reason that I practice personal conscious evolution.
"And what is that underlying reason?"  I ask myself.
 
In Answer:  The reason that I practice conscious evolution is to fully experience life.  I am alive now.  I want to experience everything I possibly can... and in these experiences, I will grow.  Learning about myself, making connections, gaining happiness and self awareness.  These are my reasons for being.

I believe we are all here to learn, connect and love. 

Trusting fully to the Universe, is a massive part of my personal journey. To trust this knowledge, is to trust myself...... to trust fully is to let go of attachment.  This is enlightenment in my eyes, and my eventual dream is simply to BE love.  To be love is life... and life is love.

I have a lot of work to do in this lifetime.  A LOT. 

I am a big believer in the power of letting go.  The power of trusting my intuition.  I believe in asking for what I need or want, waiting and then recieving.  In every circumstance.... it works.  I know it works.  I have witnessed it hundreds of times.  I know this deep inside of me..... and yet.... sometimes I still forget.  Sometimes (or more than "some") I attach myself to my needs or wants and in doing so, desire a specific outcome or time-line.  I attach myself to what my mind has created and in doing so I become dissapointed when this "truth" does not happen. 

When this happens (or doesn´t.... how's that for ambivalence?), my belief begins to wain.  My lack of full control makes me feel like I have no control.... which of course I do, if I would just let go of it in the first place....

Translation:  When I let go of my attachment to my dreams, goals and life desires, and when I fully trust that the universe will provide:  I am rewarded.  I have full control over what happens in my life, if I only remember to not hold on too tight.  Perception changes everything. 

Gaining control over my avoidance of minor tasks helped me to see more clearly where I need to let go of my control.  This is not the lesson that I was looking for during this challenge.  This is not the outcome that I predicted would be true.  Who knew a  silly, seemingly un-complicated challenge, could lead me to dig deep inside of myself.   

In true form, the Universe has given me what I actually needed instead of what I wanted..... just in time.   I don't know exactly what I was trying to say in this post.... I just know that it felt right. 

Darling: Remember To Breath

I can breath. 

My procrastination challenge started off with a bang, then it slowly sizzled down to an inaudible whimper.  My task list was temporarily abandoned in order to make time for another, more important project.  I was absolutely NOT procrastinating during this time period.  Instead, I was researching and writing an art studio business plan.  I was also involved in several self-employment training courses.  It has been a busy month.  Now that my business plan is solid, I feel that I can re-focus on my original challenge. 

A few weeks before I began my art studio project, I did the math.  I literally counted the number of tasks that I had on my list and compared it to the amount that I had already finished.  Thirty-two percent of my tasks were checked off the list!  Awesome in  my eyes!!  My goal is to complete seventy-five percent of the tasks by the end of March.  I think my goal is still achievable.  So.... I have another busy month ahead of me. 

I just need to take a deep breath.

So Far So Slow... but Good

As I weave my way through my current challenge, I do notice that sometimes it is still much easier to give into my nagging procrastination.  I dislike admitting this, but admit I must... because only from truth and honesty to myself, will I learn. 

Despite this admission, the tasks I devised for myself during this challenge are slowly but surely being crossed off the list.  The mild sense of accomplishment when a task is finished is outshone by the relief I feel when I BEGIN one of those tasks.  It seems that starting a task is more difficult than finishing.... and as soon as I start, I have already reached the crux of the climb.  The rest is easy.   

That initial starting point is my nemesis, but like all enemies it can be conquered.  I am conquering her slowly and it feels great. 

I did notice that listing my tasks daily proved to be quite unrealistic, so early on I changed the challenge slightly.  I just restructured :)  As an alternative to a daily list, I wrote out a general list of everything that I would like to accomplish during the challenge.  This way, I can choose daily which task suits my mood.  I also extended the challenge to the end of March.  This was much needed, upon review.  Previously I had not even allowed myself any extra time to relax or see friends.  That obvious mistake was felt quite early on and I incorporated this lesson into my learning experience. 

Biggest lesson learned so far:  be realistic.... it actually is not that difficult.