And just like that, peace is granted.

I can't even remember the first time I prayed for peace in my life. I wanted inner peace.... so badly it hurt sometimes. I hoped and hoped and hoped. I tried to learn as much as possible, as soon as possible so it would be granted to me with a smile. Now, suddenly, I must have learned enough and experienced enough to be granted this most precious gift. It was sudden. I felt the change, but I can not explain it to anyone. I don't know why this sudden change has happened.... but it has. All that I need to know is just that it has. It has! Halejula!! Thank the universe and God. I am thankful. My life has had a different resonance these last few weeks. I am different. My years of work towards this one true life goal have not been wasted. Peace. Yes, sweet peace. I will work to keep you here for the rest of my days.....

Into myself...

No, I am not being conceited. I have just been self reflecting a lot lately. I go though periods in my life of extreme social behavior and then extreme anti-social behavior. It is just how I work. I need that alone time to think about the last phase in my life. Usually a transformation happens after this time. I feel a huge transformation coming on. I feel a change. I feel change's call. It is calling loudly. Loudly.....

Has love always been on my mind so incessantly?

I have realized my entire life I have been clearly obsessed with love. Obsessed with loving others, obsessed with others loving me.... obsessed with who others love. I know that someone close to me has loved another deeply. I know this. I want to find out the truth, dig it out. It is silly really. Of course he has loved someone else passionately. Have not I also? Love is not a threat, but I just don't want to lose to it....

What am I afraid of.

Sometimes my angry self shows it's ugly face. This self is not who I truly am... but it is a small part of me. Lately, despite all the good in my life, my angry self has been making multiple appearances. I understand that anger stems from fear. But what in the hell am I so afraid of? What am I worried will happen? Hours of soul searching has not yet come up with an answer; this struggle is something I have known since I was a child. It must eventually end.... but when? And how? Speaking literally..... maybe yoga will help. I have a friend who was angrier than I. She is now a yoga teacher, and is a calm person with control over her emotions. Yes, this school year, I am going to make yoga a priority. That is all I have to say for now.

One happy girl

I am so very happy. Things in my life have been so good since September (minus a few road bumps). I just wanted to express my gratitude to the universe. I am excited to see what awaits me in the next 5 months. I know it will be beautiful, whatever it is I do, learn and experience.

Hot Springs and Tom Petty.

Ironic. Ironic. Ironic. But, fitting. I love you. You won't understand this post.... but it doesn't matter.

It took you too long

I was thinking today, that it just took you way too long to finally figure out everything I was trying to say when we were together. I now know that learning curves can not be forced and sometimes they only really curve when the lesson is written in stone. Goodbye forever. I no longer want you back. I love you my friend. That is it... that is all.

New

I feel something new coming around the corner. I will not say what that new something is yet. It is just new. And it is just you.

Upside Down

I heard a hesitant knock on my door. I opened it. I was startled to see you. It was so good to see you. Walking with you was so very good, but frightening. I wish we could walk together like that and laugh like that forever. I wish we could have always then... and not focussed on what we couldn't do together. I still love you. I feel a little upside down today. Seeing you always does that to me. It makes me remember how much I miss you. I am glad we can be friends though, it makes it a little more bearable.

Stab myself in the back

I know that the things that go wrong in my life are because of me. Mind over matter. I know this... yet I still stab myself in the back. Hopefully soon, I will learn enough to stop. The stab wounds in my back never stop bleeding.