Fire Inside

Written:  January 16, 2011

I have again realized the power of breaking down my goals into small achievable bits.  Using my left hand has reminded me that my eternal conscious evolution follows it's slow winding path, one small step at a time. 

I have written down goals and dreams for myself (and consciously ran after them) for as long as I can remember.  Truly.  More than once I have written a list of what I want to achieve in my entire life.

Some of these goals I have since reassessed or decided were not truly what I wanted.  Some goals were completely unachievable altogether.  I believe anyone can do anything...... but not everything.  At certain points in my life, I have tried to do everything. 

My adoration for learning and life make it difficult to choose only a few things that I want to do, see, experience, achieve or excel at.  As an example of this; some of my over the top life goals I made at age 15: 

• become a professional snowboarder in by age 20
• start a band and become famous with at least 1 song hit
• become a veterinarian and animal biologist..... and human psychologist
• have children amidst all of this by age 23
• be married (ha!)
• write a novel
• retire as a millionaire by age 35
• travel to every continent before I retire......
• and the impossible list goes on

Unrealistic?  Why, yes of course. It is a wonderful thing to dream big and to believe in yourself, but it is another thing to way overestimate your abilities and set yourself up for failure.  The above goals are all worthy individually.  They are all achievable.... if I chose a few.  An extremely talented person may be able to achieve quite a few of those things, but I wanted to achieve ALL of those things..... and quickly!!

With age, comes self growth.  With growth, comes understanding.  With understanding, comes wisdom.  I did not have to age much older than 15 to realize that some of my goals were completely unachievable, and that I needed to decide upon only a few major experiences for my entire lifetime.  These experiences needed to incorporate my core values, beliefs and needs.  Smaller, less intense goals could be included, but the focus on my chosen life dreams was to remain. 

My core goals and dreams were decided years ago.  Much contemplation and self reflection has helped me to settle on a few important aspects for my life.  Several life goals have now been accomplished.  Some are in the midst of being accomplished.  Others are adventures awaiting for my future self.

An incomplete insight of my more literal and concrete goals (decided upon about 5 years ago):

• Go to school for something I love (I have a diploma in Adventure Tourism Business Operations.  I would also like to get a degree as an art teacher so I am currently researching my options without leaving this town I have chosen as a home.)
• Meet an excellent partner match for my personality, beliefs and values (I met Jordan.)
• Become and entrepreneur (I am planning and working, to open my art studio in this town I love.)
• Become closer with family (My family and I are closer than ever and I am now close with Jordan's family too.)
• Be more involved in the outdoor community and adventure pursuits (I climb, hike, camp, ice-climb, kayak, swim, canoe, ski, snowboard AND I have met good friends who do all of these and more...)
• Travel the world (I have traveled a bit, but I definitely want to do more.  Maybe an around the world trip will happen soon.....)
• Buy a home (Currently in the works.)
• Have more adventures (Check!! Examples:  Shambhala, a group plan for a canoe/camp/climb trip through the Slocan Valley in mid August, I am going to Burning Man this summer, my fear of heights is improving due to climbing and cliff jumping....etc.  I am grateful for the incredible friends I have met who also seek adventure..... my eyes open more every day.)
• Become more aware of world issues and environmental situations (Yes.... and learning is constant.)
• Open a sustainable community (I am currently writing a manual for a non-profit sustainable community; more on this topic at a different time.)
• Make art a larger part of my life (Yes, yes, yes..... clearly.  Painting is my true meditation.)
• Make a difference to the environment, animals and people (I do many small things, but I am working on bigger things.  I want and need to do more.)
• Find a really tight core group of amazing people as friends who value love, trust and similar ideals (I thought this would be the most difficult, but I have found those people in Kimberley.... and I feel truly blessed.)
• Get and train a dog (Definitely not yet the right time in my life.)
• Have children (Although I yearn for this....see above.)
• Learn to budget and rid myself of debt (First part check; second part.... almost there.)
• Regularly do yoga (Hopefully this summer.  I recently met the yoga teacher of my dreams.  She is absolutely incredible.  When I am home from work I attend on Tuesdays, but I am not yet home enough to consider this goal accomplished.)
• Teach people something that I love (Art teacher and studio.  I am currently working on my correspondence TESOL course with Jordan.)
• Learn to garden (My very first garden was planted last year and I seasonally work at a greenhouse during the summers.)
• Learn more about health and nutrition (Yes, but it is continuous.... and I am lucky to have some very knowledgeable friends.)
• Photography and documentary film making (These are loves yet to be truly pursued.)
• Learn a specific dance and a martial art (Maybe this summer I will try belly dancing and Tai-chi.)
• Self awareness..... (THIS is what these challenges are all about.)
• And the list goes on......

The giant list above only touches slightly upon my life goals.  Despite the large number of goals, they have all been thought through and assessed.  They are all achievable for me.  Combined, I can still do them all.  

To some extent my conscious evolution incorporates bits and pieces of some of my dreams, goals and ideals that I wish to incorporate into my life.  However, some challenges include parts of goals that I actually decided were not worthy.  Although I may have decided my energy could be spent in other more meaningful ways, those forgotten goals are still at the back of my mind.  Including my long lost goals (as mini-challenges) satisfies my need for variety.  In a way, it allows me to finish, what I believed I could accomplish when I was young and naive. 

My ambidexterity challenge is one of those long lost life goals.  As a child I thought it would be great to use both hands efficiently. Like many of my earlier goals, I decided that this idea was really not important enough for me to use as a life goal.  I thought the learning experience could be valuable enough though for a short term challenge.  So, a life of ambidexterity was re-born into a conscious 2 month challenge.   

This challenge has shown me how difficult it can be to accomplish something very tiny.  Creating new habits and brain paths takes much longer than expected.  Even now, after almost two months, I have to actively engage my brain to use my left hand and to write in my journal.   And... I still do not always remember.

I learned my lesson long ago about setting realistic life goals, but it doesn't hurt to have a reminder once in a while. In such a short amount of time, seeing my writing go from almost unreadable to very neat and tidy......  is one of the best reminders I have had in years. This tiny accomplishment in the past few months, has given me great appreciation for the hard work I have put into achieving my larger life dreams.  It makes me feel proud of where I am in this moment.   

The best lesson revealed to me from focusing on one small goal at a time (rather than everything all at once) is that progress can be seen.  It is concrete.  Seeing my own progress boosts my confidence and creates a sense of independence.  It also encourages my belief that I have the ability to do even bigger and more interesting things.  It creates a fire inside of me to reach for more.

Action breeds motivation.