Full Circle

I am back in Golden. Life is full of circles.... I have come full circle. Being back sofar has been incredible. It has also been a little lonely. I am meeting so many people that are happy, free-spirited and open.... but I miss the people who know me best. It is so strange to feel lonely when you are surrounded by friends. This is how I am feeling right now. There is something to be said of being around a person who knows you through and through... I miss that. I miss you my friends. I love you.

Sparkly

I was in the coffee house today. I was introduced to her. She looked at me and said "Wow... you are sparkly". I was not wearing anything with sparkles, no make-up... nothing shiny. But I knew exactly what she meant. I know that this is the difference between me and most people in this world. The fact that I am sparkly and full of life. I have always known I am sparkly. It is interesting to meet someone else who was able to see that right away. She must be sparkly too.

Such is life.

I have decided that I need to find out for myself.
I know you have changed. I could feel it when
I saw you last.
Rougher around the edges.... a bit of an asshole.
Why? You used to be such a sweet, respectful,
good person.
What made you so angry and arrogant.
Well, fear is what creates anger and insecurity
is what creates arrogance.
Are you those things?
I have been told that you are.
That you disrespect women. Look down on them.
That you are a sleazy man.
That is so sad.
You used to have the world in your hands.
So sad to lose a good person like you used to be.
We need less people like you are now in this world...
and more people like you were.
Sounds like all this time that I have been soul searching.
All this time that I have been becoming happier and
happier.
All this time that I have realized I love life....
You have maybe realized life is not as simple as you
thought it was.
Are you jaded?
Poor you. Don't be ridiculous.
You can't feel happy and respect yourself in the way that
you are acting.
You must feel empty.
Fill yourself up with party, fill yourself up with women.
It will still feel empty my dear.
Those things are empty.
Hopefully you remember who you are soon.... and work
to live a better life, before it is too late.

Alone

This creative burst of energy I have had lately is because I am without you. I am sorry to say it but it is true. I have allowed my creative juices to flow now that my sorrow in our relationship has ended. I can write again. I can paint again. I am alone again. I am happy to be alone. You are not. On the phone the other day you sounded so lonely and sad. It broke my heart. I do not want you to feel so alone and sad. I wish with everything inside of me that I could fix whatever was broken from the start in our relationship. I can not though. It is an impossible puzzle. We were taught that over and over again. I hope you had an amazing trip to Golden. I hope you had fun and felt your spirit revived and lifted. I hope you met a beautiful mountain town sprite and made love to her. It is what you need to get over me, to take your mind off of your alone-ness. Because I will never be your woman again. I will never feel the need to fill up your alone-ness again. I will always love you though. Always.