One Week

One week is all it takes. One week and your possibilities in life can completely change. One week... and everything you felt the week before can melt away. One week can change your life. One week and you can become hopeful again. One week and you can remember yourself again. Only one week.

To you... my love. No Regrets.

If I could take it all back I would. I can't believe this is you and me now. The man I loved so much.... the person with whome I shared every satisfied sigh, every ecstacy full scream. The person who made me feel like I was never going to stop feeling sexy, special, silly or safe. If I could take back everything that has been said I would. I would. I would..... I would. Believe me my dear, I never dreamed that our lives would have this much struggle, pain or the word that I don't want to say: unhappiness. I hate that word. Regret. Regret, is not something I feel lately. Regret is for those that have lost... but I still have you. For how much longer? I can't be sure. Regret? No, no.... regret. I just feel numb. Glossy eyes with the look of prescription drugs. Numb from my beautiful peach, which is now a dried up pit of emptiness, all the way deep into my inner most soul. You can knock, knock, but nobody is home. Nobody is home. Curled up into a ball so tight I may never be able to break free. Tied up with rope around my wrists and ankles... with a side helping of duct tape over my mouth. We are in hiding. For fear of what? For fear of us. The disc golfing, taeboing, hiking, giggling, dreaming, comforting, playing, sharing, decoupaging, cooking, creating, running, whispering, laughing, loving, sweet, sweet lovers are gone. I don't know if they will ever come back. They are people I don't recognize anymore. I don't recognize you at all. Who are you? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss ME..... I fucking miss me. Where do I go from here? I don't know.... but I can't stay here. This place is killing me. It's killing you. I just can not believe the words that these walls have heard, seen. Where is that sparkle? We have killed the sparks, we have killed it all. Thrown water on the fire works and walked away as they sizzled to a stop. I miss you. So much. Where are you? Where am I? I don't know anymore and I am lost. My compass is broken. I only know that I can't stay here. This ground it too toxic to stand on.

Someones eyes

Eyes. Eyes are the mirror into the soul, and I have always been a sucker for a good soul. A soul with heart, a soul full of love. Especially when that love is for me. I have seen many sets of eyes with an image of love to draw me in... but only two green eyes have ever really mattered. These eyes could draw me in and twirl me around. They could dance with me, laugh with me, love with me. These eyes could make me blush or make my mind dizzy with ecstacy. These eyes were the first I have ever loved... and the first to love me. They knew who I was, what I was, why I was, more than I could ever even know for myself. But they closed to me a long time ago... and have not opened since. If I could go back in time, I would bring glasses for myself. Through these clear truth-givers I would see where I was and when I would be okay. I would choose then to be okay, and then maybe those eyes would have kept looking into mine.

Why do you use the same dagger over and over?

You know it hurts me.
You know it does not help you in the long run.
So why do you keep shooting yourself in the foot?
You know it hurts me.
You know there is more to this world than black and white.
Thousands of colours between your silly spectrum.
So why do you keep painting with the same brush?
You know that I see every colour.
You know who I am.
You tell me that you love the person that I am.
So why do you keep telling me how wrong it is what I do?
You know that my beliefs are important to me.
You know that I love you.
You know that I want to make this work.
So why do you keep stabbing me with the same dagger?
It hurts more every time.
One of these times I will walk away with it.
I won't come back, and the dagger will be permanently mine.

Today I saw something that made me rage....

Have you ever seen something skinned alive? Have you looked into the eyes of a creature who's outer shell has been stripped away? Have you seen the pain and suffering of something so beautiful and confused that has now been tortured needlessly? I have. I have seen the eyes of a beautiful tiny fox.... glossy with pain and confusion.... after it has been skinned alive. After it's most basic protection has been taken from it for human frivolty. So some fucking rich society slutt can prance around in it's fur and pretend that class is something that comes from 'things'. But,class has nothing to do with 'things'. Class has nothing to do with money. Class has nothing to do with power. It has everything to do with having a concience and conducting yourself like a being on this planet. Not a monster. Without a concience our society has no need to worry about silly things such as 'ethics', 'morality', 'fairness' and 'compassion'. I am so fucking tired of the blindfolds people walk around with over their eyes. Pretending not to notice... or using denial as a self preservation tool so real issues do not have to be discussed. In the entire scheme of things.... skinning a helpless animal alive does not even register on the scale of fucked up shit about our world. That fact scares me. And it should scare every single person out there. Our species is so far from the noble, spiritual, compassionate, worldly and environmentally knowledgeable human beings that we once were that we have become something different all together. We have become self absorbed, clueless, consumption hungry monsters. Open your fucking eyes people. Stop shying away.... you want to have a great happy life? Trust me, in the next 10 years we are definately not headed in the happy direction. Disaster is more the term I would use. It is going to take a lot of work to get this world back where nature intended it to be so start to get involved, and as we are nature also.... well, maybe you should work on yourself a little too. Do something worth wile for a change, that doesn't include getting trashed every second weekend and buying 3 pairs of new shoes tomorrow. I am sorry if I have offended anyone. I am tired of playing nice though. I need real people to help me in this world full of real issues. Let's make a difference. Do everything you can to spread some change and hope. It only takes an angry post like this (or a positive one also) to possibly make someone at least question their day to day life. I have been questioning many things in my life. It is not easy to admit wrong or realize that you need to change, but it is essential to our human survival, both physically and spiritually. It all starts with education. Go to www.freedocumentaries.org

Hit the road Jack.

See ya,
Bon Voyage...
Ta ta!
Ciao.
Get lost.
About time you left my mind.
You are finally gone.
For now and forever,
Isn't that what we used to say?
Funny... I didn't even write that on purpose.
It has taken me this long,
to realize YOU lost out. NOT me.
And I am so very happy THANKS.
It is the dawn of a new age.
One without your face.
One without the memories of you.
The stupid memories...
Filled with my stupid naivety.
And the naivety... just filled with my stupidity.
And the stupidity all summed up in my missing you.
My missing you meant being emotionally unfaithful...
to myself and the ones I have loved since.
The summer before last,
that experience, it just makes me cringe.
And makes me wonder...
What the hell did I expect?
That you were even a sprinkling of the same person?
That I was?
That love lost would become love refound?
At least I finally tried.
And at least I finally learned.
What it is like to feel my skin crawl;
what it is like to truly lose you.
Because the you I remember faded a long time ago.
We were young... we were stupid...
and I was just plain blinded.
Blinded by something amazing.
But something that will never again be.
It is gone....
the love was gone a long time ago.
It just took me this long to finally realize it.
I didn't want to let go, because so long ago,
I let it all define me.
But that is not who I am.
It is not who I have grown to be.
It is not who I have worked so hard to love.
It's ME I love. NOT YOU!
You, the you that you are now... I could never love.
Never again. Bye-bye!
Hit the road Jack.
fUCKING ENOUGH ALREADY.

Big plans.

I've got some big plans for the year to come. Each year has been better than the last. They lie when they say "highschool years are the best years of your life." Who the hell is 'they' anyways. 'They' don't have a clue. My life just keeps getting bigger and better as the years go on. I love my life, and I am just plain excited and happy to be alive. This past year has taught me so many valuble lessons. Many lessons were difficult to learn, but worth the effort. I have been to many places too: both spiritually and literally. I gladly walk into a new era of my life. One filled with even more beauty, fun, happiness and learning.

Follow me

Follow me my love
Follow me
Below the deep blue sea
Follow me, just follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
Onto the golden sahara sands
Follow me, please follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
Down the snow white alps
Follow me, oh follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
Deep into the amazonian jungle
Follow me, just follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
Above the bouncy cumulous clouds
Follow me, please follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
Between each perfect star
Follow me, oh follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
Under our winter duvet
Follow me, just follow me...

Follow me my love
Follow me
You won't be disapointed
If you follow me....

I own it.

I have blamed the world for everything that I own,
but what I own is on my shoulders alone.

I have fought with every lesson I've learned in life...
what I have finally learned is that life is filled with strife.

I have worried every singe day about my future,
but nothing in this world is sure.

The only beauty in life is along the way.
So I must remember to enjoy each and every day.

When I think about.....

Just as I feel
things will finally be okay
a surprise lurking around the corner
jumps in my way

Just as I feel
you truly are the one for me
a new doubt fills my heart and eyes
once again I see

Just as I feel
that the old memories are gone
they crawl back in front of my face
again I feel spun

Just as I feel
we are a team in every way
I realize that truly I am on my own
that's all I have to say

Just as I feel
that we can conquor our fears
that the world is ours if we stick together
back come the tears