To you... my love. No Regrets.

If I could take it all back I would. I can't believe this is you and me now. The man I loved so much.... the person with whome I shared every satisfied sigh, every ecstacy full scream. The person who made me feel like I was never going to stop feeling sexy, special, silly or safe. If I could take back everything that has been said I would. I would. I would..... I would. Believe me my dear, I never dreamed that our lives would have this much struggle, pain or the word that I don't want to say: unhappiness. I hate that word. Regret. Regret, is not something I feel lately. Regret is for those that have lost... but I still have you. For how much longer? I can't be sure. Regret? No, no.... regret. I just feel numb. Glossy eyes with the look of prescription drugs. Numb from my beautiful peach, which is now a dried up pit of emptiness, all the way deep into my inner most soul. You can knock, knock, but nobody is home. Nobody is home. Curled up into a ball so tight I may never be able to break free. Tied up with rope around my wrists and ankles... with a side helping of duct tape over my mouth. We are in hiding. For fear of what? For fear of us. The disc golfing, taeboing, hiking, giggling, dreaming, comforting, playing, sharing, decoupaging, cooking, creating, running, whispering, laughing, loving, sweet, sweet lovers are gone. I don't know if they will ever come back. They are people I don't recognize anymore. I don't recognize you at all. Who are you? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss ME..... I fucking miss me. Where do I go from here? I don't know.... but I can't stay here. This place is killing me. It's killing you. I just can not believe the words that these walls have heard, seen. Where is that sparkle? We have killed the sparks, we have killed it all. Thrown water on the fire works and walked away as they sizzled to a stop. I miss you. So much. Where are you? Where am I? I don't know anymore and I am lost. My compass is broken. I only know that I can't stay here. This ground it too toxic to stand on.