The important things I have learned today

- learn to say no ex: "No, I am sorry... but I do not want to do that" or "No, but I can not do that."
- do not let people walk on you. Tell them when you are hurt... but in a way that will make them feel safe and protect their self esteem
- a relationship will not work with "I" people.... only with "we" people. It is a team
- you must accomodate your partners needs to the best of your ability, if not... your partner will die inside and become sick outside
- every experience is a step towards my definition of success, which for me is knowledge and living a beautiful life full of happiness
- IQ increases with every experience that you have... with each experience you gain a new angle to look at and evaluate against
- if it is not courage or work... it is not love
- remember... the shiny peices in each person; those things are the reason that person is unique
- you will never know how much one comment or word can effect another person.... choose your words wisely... you will never be able to take them back
- communicating is an art... it takes practice; every single word has a different meaning to each person based on their life experiences and memories
- we have an incredible responsibility in being a human being
- everthing is seamless... it is all connected
- just be direct... don't tip toe around a situation because you are worried about hurting someones feelings; more feelings will get hurt in the end if you are dishonest
- lying is a mind fuck
- respect yourself enough to never ever cross the line of disrespecting someones person
- never ever point out a persons uniqueness as a fault
- sometimes you outgrow a friend and that is okay
- it is okay to not fix or keep working on it... letting go is a worthy process also
- you need to put out the kindness if you want to be surrounded by kind, gentle people
- fear is the opposite of love
- fear controls and is the reason for all war
- love beyond anger
- anger should never be the first response... always attempt understanding first
- "So what you are saying is that blah blah blah.... did I get that right?" "Is there more?" "That must make you feel blah blah blah"
- when you lose faith.... you lose your ability to see the truth
- each special thing you do unexpectedly for someone else helps them to keep hope

Imagine

I imagine you are so different
from the person you used to be
I imagine you are hardened
by another love lost, not by me
I imagine you might think
every once in a while about then
I imagine you might wish
we may create sparks once again
I imagine about the adventures
your life has lead so far
I imagine we reconnect
end this little mind war
I imagine I stop imagining
but I can't change my mind
I imagine I feel the passion
I long ago left behind

Painting makes me happy. Happy makes me painting :)

I thought I would put up some pictures of my art. Hope you all enjoy!


"Fishy Fishy"


"Salmon Run"


"The Circus"


"Visions of the West Coast Trail"


"Seashell"


"Rock and Roll Recycle"

Old letters

Old letters hold magic. I want that magic back. Maybe one day. Someone old or someone new. Either way... I am happy. I am lucky. I am beautiful... and I deserve the love that I want. I can also give the love that I want.

This road

I just wonder sometimes
If this is the road I am
Supposed to be on
I hope one day
It leads right back to you
When that day came that we parted
A new life for me started
But I still miss your smiling face
And the beauty in your eyes
I dream one day
That I will wake up and look back at you
Until then I am happy
Until then I am living
Until then I am fine
Maybe one day I will be even luckier
If that day comes
Then I will be ready

Am I made of rubber?

Well as the title says... I am wondering if I am actually some human-rubber hybrid. I always seem to bounce back from bad news quickley. Thanking my lucky stars for that. I am slowly getting used to the idea of living in Golden again for the next 10
months... and surprisingly.... I'm a lookin' and I'm a likin' (haha... Ben Stiller cracks me up). Any-hoo. Yes, the G-spot should be a good time. How can I stay angry when I will have a free pass to Kicking Horse Mountain Resort? As well, I will be getting a better education with the Adventure Tourism and Business Operations course in comparison to the Expedition course I was originally registered in. Sadly, there will be no travelling through the United States or Mexico. No mountain biking either. But all in all.... I can deal. This way I can keep focussing on my art and becoming a healthier person with yoga and nutrition. Hell, I might even be able to start a business with the training I will recieve? You never know what can happen. I re-learned that little bit of information a few days ago didn't I? Never will I forget. Life is always changing, to be happy... I just have to roll with the punches.

"OOOh, Heaven is a place on Earth...."

Well.... here is my most controversial blog up to date: Here it goes.
I am pretty sure that there is a special place reserved for all the bible (or Koran, Book of Mormon, etc.) thumping religeous people out there, who continue to hide behind their idea of "GOD" while trashing this beautiful planet that "GOD" created. Somewhere there is a giant disconnect, maybe in their brains? That special place that I imagine exists? It is definately not called heaven.

Just remember this little bit of information

A good idea to keep this in mind: "The Earth has all the time in the world.... we as human beings do not". Mother Nature has been through the ringer before. She has been slammed by asteroids, weathered multiple ice-ages and warmings, dealt with mass extinction... the list goes on. Granted, I don't think she has ever experienced the wrath of the corporation dominated, pollution happy, industrial 'revolution' (I say revolution with not one ounce of pride) all running on dumbed down, empty consumerism. Regardless though.... EARTH will survive. She may lose practically every species on this planet (but that has happened before), she may take millions of years to disintigrate and heal our destruction..... but she will survive. WE WILL NOT. Too bad.... we really were special weren't we? So smart and all, we thought we could outsmart even the course of evolution................ s-m-r-t. Who the fuck let the monkeys evolve?

Door number two had better be made of fucking gold

Here is the cliche: When one door closes... another door opens. Well dammit... there had better be something really spectacular behind door number two. I received a phone call today from The College of The Rockies. They called to inform me that there were not enough people in the specialized course that I was planning on taking... and that it was cancelled! Two people had suddenly dropped out yesterday. The woman on the other end gave me four options... that I am frantically weighing, so I can decide what to do. School was supposed to start in three weeks. I quit my job a few months back in preparation for school. I have been residing in my mother's home this summer because my boyfriend and I, of three years, recently split. All of my worldly possessions are piled in boxes in a friend's home; along with my two lizards. My scholarship is extremely fickle..... Fuck! That is all I have to say.

Painting a pretty picture....

I love to paint. It has taken me so long to jump on the courage and ride it to this point in my artistic awareness. I had such an inferiority complex with my artwork. Everyone else seemed so much more talented. It has only been in the last year that I just literally said "Fuck it!" Everyone else does not do MY artwork... they are talented in THEIR artwork. Each person has a brain of their own, and can create something extremely different but equally as beautiful as the next artist. When I think of the years that I have wasted worrying that I couldn't properly express the feeling I had inside me onto canvas.... I am sad for the beautiful creations I have missed out on. Everything is a learning experience though. So... no regrets. I am just happy that I have allowed my creativity to burst from it's little protective bubble. My paintings are beautiful. I know they are... I have talent; and I am confident enough to say so.

Binary city system

I can see in binary
All I can see are zero's and one's
Those are the only two numbers
That this rat's nest, rat's race
Supports in any way
You are either a zero or a one
It is easy to fall from one to zero
But difficult to go from zero to hero

I know the reason we are on this planet

That reason is to have connections with other human beings. Simple. As simple as that.... we are here to connect and love. That is it. That is all.

If you are reading, let me know.

I sometimes wonder if you read my blog. I still look at yours. You have so much talent. Did you just read that? I wonder if you saw my paintings how you would react. I think you would be surprised at my talent too. It still surprises me. Are you interested in what I need to get off of my chest? Tell me... do you care at all about what I have to say? I still feel like I would care about what you would have to say. Love just never ends. Does it? I wonder if you read my words.

"Times, they are a-chaaaanging" - courtesy of Mr. Bob Dylan

Do you feel it? Something big is going to happen. Good or bad. It just depends on which angle you are looking at it. There are only so many threads in the spider web that can be broken... before the entire web collapses, and just blows away in the wind.

So long, farewell....

I am driving back to Armstrong tomorrow. The start of my adventure has arrived! In three weeks I will be back in Golden preparing for 4 months of intense travel and outdoor life. I am so lucky. I tell myself this everyday. Lucky. So long all.... I love you all. I love you. Bye Calgary... I will be back, maybe on better terms this time. Hello new memories. I can't wait to make more memories. My life is going to change. Goodbye.... hello.

So be it; friend

I looked at you today. I wondered how my life will change in the next 5 months. I looked and you and I thought "I will miss him." I do not regret last night. I do not regret telling you how I feel. I am glad I have told you before I leave. I am glad at the choice you made. The choice not to kiss me. Thank-you for that. Thank-you for being the stronger person... in doing so, allowing me to fully enjoy every minute of my trip. I will see you again my friend in 5 months. Maybe, just maybe... you will have missed me too. When I get back I will be a new person. See you then, until then....... climb like you are climbing big rock. Drink some Big Rock too....mmmmm.... Big Rock.

I miss you... it is simple

I am missing you again. Missing dancing... dancing until our emotions took over and everything we were trying to express in our dance was expressed in our satisfied faces. I feel so happy without you though. I wake up in the morning with energy. I wake up with a smile on my face. I know when I wake up that my day will not be a roller coaster of uncertainty. Uncertainty that you will finally realize that you don't love me anymore.... or maybe that I realize that I don't love you anymore. So why do I keep missing you? I know the answer... it is because it IS you. You are you, how can I compete with that. My heart just cannot compete with that. Every time I see you again my emotions get all mixed up... my head becomes confused. I have to stay away. It is good that I am going away to school.... I will have something else to think about; something else to focus on. Maybe then I will stop missing you? When I come back will you have the same look of love in your eyes when you see me... as you had today? I am afraid that you won't. Even though I know that is what you need.