The Three Arrs.

Re-assess.  Re-evaluate.  Re-invigorate.

In the words of Mufasa:  "It is time."  It is time for me to look at my life from a fresh perspective.

We only have THIS life once.  In my mind, living with integrity and being true to yourself would not incorporate wasting ANY of these gifted moments.... and yet, I DO waste time.  More often than I feel comfortable admitting.  I just can not tell myself that I live a life of integrity, while pulling the wool over my eyes each and every time that I waste energy worrying about any scenario I have no control over, or every time I scroll through facebook in place of being productive, or every single time I go home to watch a silly movie instead of ENGAGING in life with other humans. Expressing this is not being negative or hard on myself.... it is being REAL and HONEST with myself.  This is integrity.  For me.

Below is Google's specific definition.

in·teg·ri·ty

inˈtegritē/

noun

1. 1.

   the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

   "he is known to be a man of integrity"

   synonyms:

   honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics,morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness,scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness "I never doubted his integrity"
2. 2.

   the state of being whole and undivided.

   "upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"

   synonyms:

   unity, unification, coherence, cohesion, togetherness, solidarity "the integrity of the federation"

This past year has been one of intense change.  Spiritually.  Emotionally.  Mentally.  Physically.  I am truly A VERY DIFFERENT person compared to one year past.  A drastically different person compared to ten years past.  I repeat:  drastically different.  I am a much more grounded human.  I am a better person, and I love this wonderful "me" person.

But for the sake of narcissistic internet journaling.... let's just focus on this year.

I became a business owner.  I experienced heartbreak as I have never felt it before.  I have learned about responsibility and all of the beautiful freedoms it can open up AND also how it can cage you.  I began an intentional journey to heal.  I have participated in several methods for this healing path, most being of metaphysical origin. It started with Chakra work and regular yoga.  Then meditation, and eventually I immersed myself in a 10 day silent meditation retreat.  Then I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony, which quite literally helped me to face MYSELF.  I then began seriously looking into my past lives to understand where certain Karma's and patterns first began.  This research was experienced using Holographic Kinetics.  This particular method was intriguing, fascinating and frightening all in one.  Much clearing, opening and understanding has come from all of this.  Phenomenal amounts.... in ways that I did not even understand until this year, were necessary.  Oh, and I have dogs (within the last few years) .  Dog's are wonderful for the soul journey too.

Most importantly, these journeys have also allowed me to have compassion towards anyone in my life who has acted in unloving, hurtful or selfish mannerisms.  This includes compassion towards myself. During this journey, I removed toxic scenario's from my life, not out of hate but out of compassion to my own needs (and spirit) AND others.  True compassion. I feel it like never before. Love has become my most important goal.  How to love.  In entirety.  Love for everyone and everything.  THIS is a challenge for me. Really.  To love unconditionally and to look through loving eyes ALWAYS is a beautiful reason for being.  It is the reason I am here.  Possibly all of us. My eyes have opened and I will never, ever be able to go back to my old seeing self.  Awakenings are beautiful and terrifying and tumultuous and all encompassing.  I have surrendered to THIS knowledge, but I still consistently walk through this paradigm with sass and fight.  I have not fully surrendered to it all.  Not yet.

This year has been both uplifting and exhausting.  I have went through some very dark moments, and came out on top with new perspective.  My perspective is completely different, yet very much the same.... this I can not explain.  There were times where I quite literally NEEDED to hide from this world.  Particularly after the Vipassana meditation retreat and the Ayahuasca ceremony. These were times in which I needed to process in private.  Away from all of the holographic non-sense. Processing is still happening and will for quite some time.

Living my life to the fullest is something that I thought I WAS already doing.  It was not until this past month, when a beautiful soul went back to the stars... that I realized how much precious time I still truly waste.  It is a time of change, and this past year much groundwork has been created for exquisite beauty to blossom.  I leave for Australia in 5 days....

Thank-you Nicholas, for reminding so many people, of: the ultimate limit of this life AND more importantly... how UNLIMITED life's possibilities really are.  You have impacted the lives of so many with your love.  You have impacted my life in big ways, despite the random, short and beautiful interactions, I was lucky enough to experience with you.  Today I start living truly, in your memory.  I hope I can impact other's lives as eloquently as you have.  I hope to see you again in another lifetime buddy.  So much love to you... and US ALL.

And what did I learn?

Well, in true procrastinator form.... I have procrastinated on writing this final post.  So, in an utterly ambivalent answer to the question above I say:  "I am not exactly sure".   

However, I do know this:  finishing a task that I have previously procrastinated on does make me feel good inside.  All warm and fuzzy and full of love.  Well, okay, maybe not to that extreme, but it does give me a pure feeling of accomplishment.  During this challenge, I felt like I was in control of the minor aspects of my life.  This in turn allowed me to be more open to the entire underlying reason that I practice personal conscious evolution.
"And what is that underlying reason?"  I ask myself.
 
In Answer:  The reason that I practice conscious evolution is to fully experience life.  I am alive now.  I want to experience everything I possibly can... and in these experiences, I will grow.  Learning about myself, making connections, gaining happiness and self awareness.  These are my reasons for being.

I believe we are all here to learn, connect and love. 

Trusting fully to the Universe, is a massive part of my personal journey. To trust this knowledge, is to trust myself...... to trust fully is to let go of attachment.  This is enlightenment in my eyes, and my eventual dream is simply to BE love.  To be love is life... and life is love.

I have a lot of work to do in this lifetime.  A LOT. 

I am a big believer in the power of letting go.  The power of trusting my intuition.  I believe in asking for what I need or want, waiting and then recieving.  In every circumstance.... it works.  I know it works.  I have witnessed it hundreds of times.  I know this deep inside of me..... and yet.... sometimes I still forget.  Sometimes (or more than "some") I attach myself to my needs or wants and in doing so, desire a specific outcome or time-line.  I attach myself to what my mind has created and in doing so I become dissapointed when this "truth" does not happen. 

When this happens (or doesn´t.... how's that for ambivalence?), my belief begins to wain.  My lack of full control makes me feel like I have no control.... which of course I do, if I would just let go of it in the first place....

Translation:  When I let go of my attachment to my dreams, goals and life desires, and when I fully trust that the universe will provide:  I am rewarded.  I have full control over what happens in my life, if I only remember to not hold on too tight.  Perception changes everything. 

Gaining control over my avoidance of minor tasks helped me to see more clearly where I need to let go of my control.  This is not the lesson that I was looking for during this challenge.  This is not the outcome that I predicted would be true.  Who knew a  silly, seemingly un-complicated challenge, could lead me to dig deep inside of myself.   

In true form, the Universe has given me what I actually needed instead of what I wanted..... just in time.   I don't know exactly what I was trying to say in this post.... I just know that it felt right. 

Darling: Remember To Breath

I can breath. 

My procrastination challenge started off with a bang, then it slowly sizzled down to an inaudible whimper.  My task list was temporarily abandoned in order to make time for another, more important project.  I was absolutely NOT procrastinating during this time period.  Instead, I was researching and writing an art studio business plan.  I was also involved in several self-employment training courses.  It has been a busy month.  Now that my business plan is solid, I feel that I can re-focus on my original challenge. 

A few weeks before I began my art studio project, I did the math.  I literally counted the number of tasks that I had on my list and compared it to the amount that I had already finished.  Thirty-two percent of my tasks were checked off the list!  Awesome in  my eyes!!  My goal is to complete seventy-five percent of the tasks by the end of March.  I think my goal is still achievable.  So.... I have another busy month ahead of me. 

I just need to take a deep breath.

So Far So Slow... but Good

As I weave my way through my current challenge, I do notice that sometimes it is still much easier to give into my nagging procrastination.  I dislike admitting this, but admit I must... because only from truth and honesty to myself, will I learn. 

Despite this admission, the tasks I devised for myself during this challenge are slowly but surely being crossed off the list.  The mild sense of accomplishment when a task is finished is outshone by the relief I feel when I BEGIN one of those tasks.  It seems that starting a task is more difficult than finishing.... and as soon as I start, I have already reached the crux of the climb.  The rest is easy.   

That initial starting point is my nemesis, but like all enemies it can be conquered.  I am conquering her slowly and it feels great. 

I did notice that listing my tasks daily proved to be quite unrealistic, so early on I changed the challenge slightly.  I just restructured :)  As an alternative to a daily list, I wrote out a general list of everything that I would like to accomplish during the challenge.  This way, I can choose daily which task suits my mood.  I also extended the challenge to the end of March.  This was much needed, upon review.  Previously I had not even allowed myself any extra time to relax or see friends.  That obvious mistake was felt quite early on and I incorporated this lesson into my learning experience. 

Biggest lesson learned so far:  be realistic.... it actually is not that difficult.

Challenge #8: Procrastination... makes it happen?

I have a tendency to procrastinate.  To prove this point, I have a little secret to share with you.  Ready?  It has taken me over a month to write of this new challenge.  In true procrastinator fashion, I kept putting it off until later.  Point proven.

In my defense.... I USED to listen to my procrastination demons much more frequently.  I was a procrastinator to the extreme.  I would literally wait to do important tasks for years.  Here is an example:  I waited seven years after high-school, to finally jump in and go to college!  That long just to go to post-secondary??  It seems crazy to me now. 

Before that life changing leap of faith, I kept waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting......  What the heck was I waiting for?  Forget asking me, because I STILL do not know the answer.  Maybe I was waiting for my sanity?

It was a gradual climb up that mountain and getting to the top has changed my life for the better.

But let's back up a little.  I have ALWAYS made goals and ran for them.  It is not like I refused to accomplish anything before I attended post-secondary school.  I had accomplishments.  They were small.  Small does not mean meaningless.... small means easier.  The bigger, more daunting tasks were constantly put on the back burner.  I went for what I wanted....  as long as it was not big and scary. 

The four years before I began the adventure tourism program, were interspersed with many small accomplishments that eventually lead to my final decision to attend school.  That mountain climb was very difficult to start, really hard to keep going up, but as I put one foot in front of the other, it became easier each day.  Soon I was on the ridge, looking over the edge.  I wanted to jump off and rip down the hill.  So, I did :)  I have never looked back and the fear of my unknown accomplishments has almost fully abated. 

A late bloomer I guess.  Who cares?  I don't.  At least I have bloomed!!  I love it.  I love my life.  Now that I am no longer controlled by my fear (which I believe is at the root of procrastination), my dreams keep coming true.  Faster and faster, like a snowball rolling down a hill, or like a snowboarder ripping....

Despite this all, I still feel that my low level of procrastination is holding me back from a sprint to a run.  I want to prove to myself that I can ignore my nagging inner slow-poke and just do it!  I can.... so I will.

The ultimate goal of this challenge is to eradicate me of any small procrastination ogres that I still feed.

Rules: 
*I have listed my daily 'to do' items for the next three months.  Some are big, some are small.  I have to finish a combination of them all.
*Being active outdoors, is what I live for so when I plan an adventure it will trump EVERYTHING on my "to do" list.  However, I will still be required to at least begin each task, no matter what I have planned.
*I aim to accomplish seventy-five percent of my daily tasks by March first (my birthday!!!).

Here I go......  

Gain

My challenge to speak less about myself has come and gone.  It went fast.  In such a short time period, what did I gain from this challenge?  What did I learn?  How did it change my perspective?

Awareness is the answer. 

I became more aware of my need for attention, while in the presence of others.  As well, I was heightened to the knowledge that I would like to become a more attentive listener.  This challenge has taught me this.  Simple.

That is it.  That is all.   

Deep NOT Cheap

Talk that is. 

This challenge has encouraged an interesting perspective.  While I have not been completely self silenced, I HAVE been more aware of my own actions (in relation to talking about myself).  Already it has become internally obvious to me when (and why) I high-jack conversations.  This is a much needed lesson.

I love to talk.  I deeply enjoy deep conversations.  This is in gratitude to Becky Foreman.  My best friends' mother, who recently passed away.  I spent much of my childhood life at their home.  A lot of time.  Many hours, many after schools, many weekends, many sleep overs.  In the mornings, Bree slept in late, whilst I woke up early.  My initial attempts to wake my sleeping beauty friend were consistently thwarted by her stubborn sleepy-head stay-in-bed attitude.  To combat my boredom, I would head downstairs to their living room, where I knew Becky would be awake reading.  Every morning, a conversation was magically pulled from thin air, and nearly every time, it would be meaningful.  I learned from the age of six, that I had thoughts, opinions and feelings that COUNTED.  My words were equally important as an adults'.  I was taught that a deep conversation can be created between two minds of any age.  Becky always talked to me as if I were a PERSON.... not a child.  There was no judgement.  One day, this is how I plan to converse with my children.

This challenge has not been easy.  Not at all.  Awareness is the path this lesson has laid out for me so far.

The last three evenings have been spent in deep conversation with my roommate.  We have talked until the early morning hours.  About:  life, love, choices and dreams.  I have chosen to ignore this challenge on those evenings.  Sometimes our challenge in life is just to let go.  Go with the flow.  A deep conversation, the type that reminds you of how very ALIVE you are, is not something that the universe brings about daily.  I think the questions posed and thoughts pondered were necessary for my life now.  My challenge has taken a turn for the better.  I LISTENED as much as I talked....    

Every second of those late night expression sessions, I was fully aware.  When I have noticed my high-jacking routine begin to flourish, I have consciously stopped it's bloom.  Being aware is helping me to stop my habitual conversation hogging and allow any conversations to flow more naturally.  I need more deep conversation in my life and this challenge is the path to accomplishment.  Learning to curb my attention addiction is encouraging better human connections between me and my friends.  My amygdalea (singular: amygdala) are growing more solid connections too!  *Note:  this part of the brain performs primary/key roles in the development of emotional learning, social interaction and emotional intelligence :)

I will take deep talk over cheap talk any day.  This challenge has it's own evolution, just as I do. 

Challenge #7: Speak for Myself

Life is a whirlwind.  So much can happen in a short amount of time.  Sometimes hashing out your emotions and thoughts with your nearest and dearest is extremely helpful.  Lately, with my most recent love relationship crumbling to an end, and then with the predicted end of a thoughtless beginning.... I have been self absorbed. I have been constantly thinking, explaining, understanding and perplexing about what is going on in my own mind and heart. I have felt the need to talk.  A lot.  I have talked and talked and talked.

Suddenly, today, I feel the need to be quiet.  I have talked enough already.  Now I need to absorb, learn and listen.  I need to be there for my friends, as they have been there for me.  I have genuinely good friends.  Really good friends.  They have all listened to me in the last few months consistently, patiently and without judgement.  I have been blessed with their guidance and encouragement.  I appreciate it all more than I can explain. 

Today and for the next 9 days, I challenge myself to NOT talk about myself in the presence of my friends.  I will only ask questions and listen to their life stories.  Of course if I am asked a specific question I will answer (it would be out right rude and weird not to), but I will NOT bring up anything voluntarily.  In the situation that I am asked a question, I will answer, elaborate only as necessary and then direct the conversation back onto someone else.

I need to do this.  It is easy to forget you are not the only person on this planet when you are dealing with a heartbreak.  I need to learn to remember that EVERYONE is dealing with something.  Everyone.

I will write about this challenge once in the midst and once in reflection.         

Non-Forgotten Dreams

Here are a few dreams from my last challenge.  I wasn't able to write them down earlier because I was on a long road trip.

Dream One

I dreamt that I was working at a factory.  The factory resembled the large cement plant in Lac des Arces (off the Trans Canada, along the way from Golden to Calgary).  I was working in the middle of a very large empty room at an assembly line.  The building had an extremely tall roof. 

At certain points in my dream I was watching myself work from a birds eye view.  I have this happen a lot in my dreams; the situation where I am both acting out my "character" as well as watching the dream from a third person perspective.

For some reason I had decided to sneak into the factory to investigate.  There were three other people with me on this mission.  They were people that I do not recognize or know in my waking life.  All four of us were trying to look like workers at the plant, so we could investigate undercover.  We were mingling with the factory staff and working at the assembly line to try to fit in and not look suspicious.  No one suspected that we were not supposed to be there.

At one point the supervisor came over to help us.  We were all having trouble with our assembly line positions.  There were only four positions and each was extremely boring.  The supervisor was chatting with us and giving us hints on how to do our jobs more efficiently.  The situation was not stressful, but it did feel very dull.

Here are some of the interpretations from http://www.dreammoods.com/.

Watching (closest interpretation for birds eye view):
"To dream that you are watching something indicates your passiveness. You lack initiative to take a position or to take action. It may reflect upon your real life and how you are watching life pass you by, instead of participating it. You need to take more initiative. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes your neutrality in some situation. You do not want to take a side. The dream may also be a metaphor warning you to "watch it!"
To dream that you are being watched suggests that you are feeling confined in your work environment or personal relationship. You are lacking privacy and feel you are being scrutinized or criticized."

Factory:
"To dream that you are at a factory represents repetitious thinking and an old way of doing things. It is symbolic of predictability and unchanging habits. Alternatively, it signifies business, productivity, energy and bustling activity. You are a person that can get things done."

Dream Two (re-reading this dream in my journal made me laugh because of the end... you will see)

I was living back in my childhood house on Round Prairie Road, in Armstrong.  I had just returned from a long vacation.

At the house, my long time best friend Bree, her baby daughter Stella and her mother Becky were all visiting.  Becky was ill in bed, she was very weak and could not get out of the bed (Note: Sadly in real life, Becky has recently passed away from lung cancer).  She was covered in blankets.  I handed Stella to Becky.  The baby immediately started to giggle and coo.  You could tell that she loved her grandma a lot. 

I decided to look out the bay window of the house (peering out through windows is something that reoccurs in my dreams).  The scenery looked much different than when I grew up there.  Instead of a large field, there were houses built everywhere.  All of the houses looked almost identical; similar to what many new subdivision housing areas look like now.  I thought the houses were extremely ugly.  Seeing them caused me to feel angry. 

Outside in our own yard, there was a large marshland that was fenced off.  It was a protected piece of property.  We were trying to save it from destruction and since it was located on our land, it was private property.  There were signs stating this.  However, people were walking within the fenced off areas despite the obvious restrictions. 

People were trampling this delicate ecosystem that we were trying to protect.  Almost all of the people walking across the land were elderly.  I went outside and started chasing the people away.  I felt extremely upset by their disregard for the land.  I was yelling and eventually I started poking the elderly people with sticks to get their attention and make them leave.  They kept ignoring me no matter what I did.

Here are the closest explanations. 

Elderly:
"To see an elderly person in your dream represents wisdom or spiritual power. Pay attention to the message or advice that the elderly person is conveying to you. He or she can help provide life answers and solutions to your problems and try to guide you toward the right direction."

Window:
"To see a window in your dream signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. To dream that you are looking out the window signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness and your point of view. It also refers to your intuition and awareness. You may be reflecting on a decision. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life.  To see a bay window in your dream indicates that you are tyring to gain a different or wider perspective on things"

Fence:
"To see a fence in your dream signifies an obstacle or barrier that may be standing on your path.  You may feel confined and restricted in expressing yourself.  Are you feeling fenced in some situation or confined in some relationship?  Alternatively, it may symbolize a need for privacy.  You may want to shut off the rest of the world." 

Houses:
"To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. To see a new house in your dream indicates that you are entering into a new phase or new area in your life.  You are becoming more emotionally mature." 

Stick:
"The dream may be a pun on a 'sticky' situation or how you need to 'stick up' for yourself and your beliefs."

Dream Three

It was dark outside.  I was at a house that was on a farm, with huge weeping willows everywhere.  There was a party going on outside.  Many people that I didn't know were laughing and drinking.   

I was tired and I was trying to sleep in one of the bedrooms.  There were animals in the bedroom.  A large, fluffy white rabbit and also a big bear that escaped when I opened the door.  The bear was friendly and it began to walk around the party outside.

I felt overwhelmingly sad in my dream.  A tall, very attractive man, who I do not recognize in my real life, was in the bedroom trying to help me.  He was there to listen to me.  He said he wanted to cuddle with me and help me to feel better.

For some reason we had to work that night at a boarding school.  We went there to set up a room that we would be staying in.  The room was tiny; so tiny that there was hardly any space to move around.  It was the size of a walk-in closet.  In the room there was a single bed and a side table with a lamp.  I wanted a stereo so I could listen to music.  I felt that the music would make me feel more positive.

The man was a beautiful man.  He was very tall and had strong arms.  He was holding me in them and listening to me talk about my heart break.  I was telling him my saddness and being held by this man was helping me to heal.  He was a very kind, gentle person.  I could feel how good he was, while he held me in his arms.  I believe I was crying.

Interpretations are below :)

Cuddling:
"To dream that you are cuddling with someone indicates your need for physical and/or emotional contact. Do not overlook the obvious meaning of this dream which suggests your heart's desire for that particular person. Also consider the symbolism of that person you are cuddling with and determine how you need to acknowledge, accept, and unify those qualities in yourself."

Heart broken:
"To dream that you are going through a heartbreak signifies transistions and changes.  Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are lacking love or support in some endeavor in your life.  There is an imblanace.  A more literal interpretation of this dream means that you are going through some sort of emotional turmoil in your waking life.  You do not know how to deal with those feelings.   

Room (closest to the small room):
"To dream that you are in a room represents a particular aspect of yourself or a specific relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality. If the room is welcoming or comfortable, then it signifies opulence and satisfaction in life. If you see a dark or confined room, then it denotes that you feel trapped or repressed in a situation."

Sad:
"To dream that you are sad suggests that you need to learn from your disappointments and just be happy.  Try not to dwell on the negative.  The dream may be a reflection of how you are feeling in your waking life." 

Crying:
"To dream that you are crying signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings. But in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day."

Music:
"To hear harmonious and soothing music in your dream signifies prosperity and pleasure. You are expressing your emotions in a positive way. Music serves to heal the soul."

Party:
"To dream that you are at a party suggests that you need to get out more and enjoy yourself."

Weeping Willow:
"To see a willow tree in your dream symbolizes mourning and sadness.  It also denotes a loss of  someone or something.  Alternatively, the willow represents survival or rebirth."

Rabbit:
"To see a rabbit in your dream signifies luck, magical power, and success. You have a positive outlook on life. Alternatively, rabbits symbolize abundance, warmth, fertility and sexual activity. Perhaps your sex life needs to be kept in check. The dream can also be associated with Easter time and your own personal memories of Easter.  In particular, to see a white rabbit in your dream symbolizes faithfulness in love. The white rabbit also serves as a guide to steer you toward the right direction."

Sub-Aware

My extended dream challenge officially ended on October 15th. 

During this challenge, my awareness of my subconscious mind grew tremendously.  I was unable to write down each dream that I dreamt.  I did not research every new dream concept presented.  Many times my argument with willpower lost and I allowed myself to drift back into sleep without a second thought (about recording my dreams).  However, I did truly begin to absorb the secrets of my inner mind.  My brain is willing to tell, if only I listen.  Through sleep I was problem solving.  Becoming aware of this process has been an awakening. 

I discovered how powerful the subconscious mind can be in my day-to-day life.  My dreams were whispering to me and once I payed closer attention, their meanings became clear.  The most profound example of this was one morning when I awoke feeling rather restless.  I had a distinct feeling that something was not quite right.  I felt unsure.... but I did not understand why.  I decided to read about the symbols presented in my morning dream.  I found that one important symbol represented a lie or deceit.  Within twenty minutes of reading this, I was informed that yes:  I had been deceived.  My sleeping mind had known what my waking mind had not. 

More times that not, I found true valuable meaning in my dreams.  On several occasions, a question I had been toying with would be solved as soon as I looked up the symbol meanings.  I always knew dreams were powerful and intricate.  I have believed for a long time that they had inherent meanings for my life..... but I never imagined how helpful each dream could be in my regular waking life.  I intend to keep a dream journal beside my bed.  Writing down my dreams has become a useful tool for my conscious evolution.  I believe dream meanings are integral puzzle pieces in my quest to understand the puzzle of my life. 

I have been travelling for the past two weeks, so it has not been convenient for me to write about my recent dreams.  This is not for lack of dreaming or thought provoking symbology.  I have had some interesting dreams that I would like to capture forever in cyberspace, at a later date.